Monday, April 17, 2006

Its A Conspiracy...

I’m sure (well, I hope) everybody has been wondering about my mysterious disappearance the last week. The whole of last week has been misery filled because of a conspiracy led by the dark and deep unknown forces against me. I have been miserably ill. I conveniently fall ill the last day of school and not only that, my Internet also conveniently decides to break down on the same day. Conspiracy much? As a result I’m stuck at home all day, all alone with nothing to do and am left with two terrible options – Italian television or exam revision. Between the two of them I don’t know which is worse, alright its definitely Italian television. Yes people, that has been whole of my last week. But I was strong, I didn't let fate get better off me. No, I couldn't do that. If fate wanted me to study, I couldn't let it win, could I? I spent the better part of most of last week re-reading Mrs Dalloway, which was much better than I remembered it to be.

Coming back to my prolonged illness. The cause behind this long illness is solely TPF. That little piece of bird poo is so definitely going to pay for this. She coerced me, against be better opinion to go for a walk, on a cold, cold day, in the rain, without an umbrella and eat a big ice cream. And if this wasn't enough, the same evening she made me wait for her at a bus stop, where it was really breezy for 25 whole minutes. I can’t believe she doesn’t feel guilty about this. The least she can do after all this is be sympathetic, but no, she continues to be her terrible little self and laugh at my illness. My throat still feels as if someone is raking it from inside, and if I blow my nose once more, I’m going break a few capillaries. Fine, bad visual images apart, I feel terrible and the whole world is against me.
Everytime I fall ill, I always end up following a predictable 'sit-com' routine as I like to call it. I end up staying in my night-dress all day long watching my old Disney DVDs wearing a big, old, smelly sweater that has a big tear in umm... a rather compromising place at the front. Its so old that the weaving is almost coming out from the sides and it has become completely see-through. My mum wanted to throw it away two years ago, but I absolutely adore it. Its my 'illness sweater'. I also end up having tissues lying in every room of the house in the weirdest of places that I don't remember putting, until my mother gives me an ultimatum to clean them up. My hair is always terribily dirty throughout my 'sick period', and I refuse to wash it or let it down to see how dirty its become. I feel completely and utterly decadent, fat, ugly and strangly happy.
Therefore, this week I've ended up having a red swollen nose, dirty hair, torn clothes, tissues spread around the house and everything else that a decently ill sit-com star needs. Now all I need here is any random, attractive, young man knocking on my door, telling me he loves me regardless of my physical condition and agreeing to marry me, so that we can live happily ever after for the rest of our lives. But no, nothing of that sort has happened yet and I suspect all I've ended up doing is getting on my mother's nerves because of my incessant whinging.
PS: Sympathy comments are definitely welcome, anything else is going to be moderated. I'm sulky when I'm ill, as Mr Poop can probably tell :)

21 comments:

The Poodle's Friend said...

If you think you're getting a 'sympathy comment' from me... THINK AGAIN! muahahhahahahh!

I think your dear readers know you well enough by now to be able to read through your lies. Is there really any need for me to explain that you've brought it all upon yourself? No? I thought so.

Now I'm off to hatch my next diabolical plan to ruin your life. YAY!

ash said...

I dread to think what my exam revision would be like without the internet. It would probably involve some actual revision.
*shudder*

Charlie said...

I knew it! I just knew! You are a sulker! Plus you whine, moan, and complain. I suspect you pout, as well.

We are like two peas in the same trod-upon pod. Our noses could fall off and who would care? Certainly not Miss Pukelitzer Prize, I can tell you that much.

About that random young man. I showed him the picture of you (no, not the one in your illness sweater), and he is intrigued. He is hoping you will be at the tour this week. His name is Irving. He is a good boy.

Tell your ex-friend, Poodle whatshername, that she may come too. But don't wait for her at the bus stop. She's always late.

Poopie.

Meg said...

You have my sympathy, Pan. See, Admiral. There is such a thing as being nice.

niTin said...

knock knock...
well
No I've no intention to marry anybody, I just came here to deliver the Pizza.
Ah yes, that brings me to a question I always wanted to ask. Are there American "Pizza Huts" in Italy? Like a refrigerator store in Alaska, that would be funny. And get well soon.
And that was bad of you TPF. To take unimmunized weaklings out in the rain and forcing them to eat icecreams. Bad bad.

Sven said...

I know how you feel. I was there last week as well.

Panacea said...

Everybody - Its rather nice that everybody in the blog world has been much more sympathetic towards me than people in real life. I wish I knew people like you all in real life too :)

Ash - Oh god, real exam revision!! Its like a thing that's unheard of, and probably a nightmare. Thankfully I'm back on track now and have sorted out my priorities :)

Mr Poop - Of coure I pout. Whining, moaning, sulking and complaining get you nowhere without pouting.

Miss Pukelitzer Prize should be informed that I am no longer on talking terms with her and she can go and write all the trashy reviews she wants and get everyone else ill for all I care.

Yay, can you set me up for a blind date with Irving? I can't wait. I've heard so much about him. I think I'm in love.

Meg and Sven - Thanks for being nice. Seriously, if you knew how horrible my own friends were being about this you'd understand my whinging too :D

Frankengirl - Apart from being completely disfunctional, Quincy also has a problem with grasping the concept of time. See, for computers time doesn't exist (Ok, I know. I'll stop making excuses for him). So he's always a day behind the rest of the world, and I have manually change the date for each post. I forgot to do it the last time. I changed it now, its posted on Monday. :D

Nitin - No I've no intention to marry anybody, I just came here to deliver the Pizza. and here you got my hopes up because I thought you might be a random stranger. And hey, who're you calling a weakling? I resisted and struggled, but she tied me up and was stuffed ice-cream in my mouth.

Nope, unfortunately (because I happen to like Pizza Hut and Starbucks) Italy doesn't have either Pizza Hut or Starbucks and I have to go all the way to India in to eat a decent pizza in Pizza Hut.

Charlie said...

You're kidding, aren't you? Pizza Hut in INDIA??? My God, woman, the crassness of it all! A beautifully exotic country on the other side of the planet with canned tomato sauce and fake cheese made of fake rubber? Please tell me it is not so.

P.S. Who was the knucklehead who let them in?

Eris said...

GO TPF!!!!!
wooohooooo!

uuum of course we need pizza places in india!! globilization people! i need variety! if it helps, we get toppings like chicken makhanwala and stuff like that. tradition meets yumminess.

i'm going to tell the knucklehead what you said!

Panacea said...

Mr Poop - ha, Eris is right, they always Indianize Ameriacan fast-food chains. I mean even Mc Donalds in India has burgers like Mc Aloo Tikki and then there is Dominoes with all kinds of weird pizza toppings which have absolutely nothing to do with either Italy or America. We've seen way too much of globalization there, but globalization is but natural.

Pizza Hut in India had the best brownie and icecream desert ever. I remember my friends and I used to go to Pizza Hut at times after dinner to eat only the desert. Yes, we were pigs. :D

Cookie - Stop getting high, have you been drinking coffee again?

The Poodle's Friend said...

Thanks for the support, Cookie! I'll make sure to make you minister of the interior when I take over the world.

Pizza Hut is disgusting. Their pizza has the consistency of rubber.

Panacea said...

The only reason I like Pizza Hut is that they have delicious pizza crusts and as I previously mentioned brownies with ice-cream.

*sigh* I'm drooling now.

ha, if you take over the world we'll all be living in facist hell... (sorry TPF!)

Charlie said...

Is "minister of the interior" anything like a physician?

I know. Bad pun. But please give me a break. I am old and confused.

Eris said...

speaking as the future minister of the interior.. i'd really like to know what that means too.

pizza hut is horrible and overpriced. i like smokin joe's.

and for brownies and stuff, pan stop wasting your time at pizza hut and got to birdy's or barista.

Eris said...

ugh! i typed out a whole comment, lost it and now i have to do it again!
ok, so pizza hut sucks, i prefer smokin joe's.

birdy's and barista has better brownies and stuff.

and as the future minister of the interior, i'd like to know what that means as well.

Panacea said...

Ok, I don't think you lost the comment because now I have two :)

You're going to kill me. I'm going green eyed with envy. *sigh* I still remember when I was about 5 years old little I ate my first pizza at Smokin' Joe's and I think I still remember how and what I felt like that exact moment. It was the most delicious thing I had ever eaten in my entire five years of existance. Smokin' Joe's, although is as ridicuously expensive as Pizza Hut.

Now I'm definitely whinging, I want to eat the black forest cake they sell at Birdy's. It is the yummiest cake in the world. Again this brings back great memories. We used to go to Jogger's Park every weekend when I was little and my parents always took me to Birdy's while coming home and I always ate the black forest.

Ooh and TPF, everyone's gotten me rather curious about the 'minister of the interior' thing.

niTin said...

Wow, and all that because I asked whether you've Pizza Huts in Italy.
Moi, I hate Pizza Hut. Consistency of rubber or no. I used to frequent this Turkish place when I was in the Middle East. Excellent pizzas they made. Inexpensive too. Only problem was it was in a rather sinister back alley and my mother would never have let me go there, if she knew. But what she doesn't know cannot scare her can it?

The Poodle's Friend said...

The minister of the interior is the guy/girl who controls the police. It's a very important position, you can basically arrest whoever you want.
So there you have it, eris, it's a position of power, and I'm giving it to you.

Panacea said...

But what she doesn't know cannot scare her can it?

Nitin, you've said it all in a line. I grew up with this little piece philosophy and still use it at times :D

Eris said...

good-oh! hmmm... excuse me, i have to go make a list of everyone who's ever been mean to me.

Panacea said...

Why do I get the strange feeling that I'm going to play a prominent part in that list of yours?