I'm leaving for India tomorrow morning, well that on this Saturday for people living in different time zones, for just about three weeks. TPF is going to be accompanying me along with Harry who is going to join us on the 5th of June and we're coming back on the 17th of June, just in time for our Graduation Ceremony and Prom.
I was rather excited about the trip until about today because I haven't visited India for about two and a half years now. The last time I was there, it was for my grandfather's funeral, so I guess, it wasn't the best of vaccations. But now that I'm actually leaving tomorrow, I've just realized that I'm terrified and maybe a little apprehensive about the whole trip. I'm terrified to see how different the place is going to from what I was used to, I'm also terrified about how different I am going to be than what I was used to when I was there. I always assumed that once you've spent fourteen years in a place, it ends up becoming a part of your life, but my memories of home there are very blurry, for some reason. All my childhood just seems like a blur of memories and I can hardly remember the details.
The whole trip also made me think of Frankengirl's wonderful post on home that struck a deep chord on my mind. Ever since I was a child, my home had always been Bombay. I don't think my vision of life went beyond the city. I was born there and I always thought my life would end there. I had lived in the same house all my life, until I moved to Italy. So whenever anyone mentioned the word home to me, it always meant our house in Bombay because that's where my heart was. But now I have realized that Bombay is no longer home and it will never be home. Home is here, here in Milan where I presently live, where all my friends are, where my family is and that is what makes it home. It is not the physical house of brick and stone that I had lived in for fourteen years. I've been living here for only four years now and this is my home and I'm sure as time passes that will change, I'll find other places that I'd like to call home depending where I feel the most comfortable.
So my fear arises from the fact that I'm just going to be like any other tourist visiting Bombay for the first time. I don't want to be just a tourist. But oddly enough that is exactly what I'm going to be. I have to admit that in the end, I know we're going to have a great time. It is also the last summer I will probably spend with my friends because we're all off to university in a month's time in different countries, in different continents and so of course we're going to lead completely different lives and who knows where that's going to lead us. Therefore, I'm going to make sure that we have a wonderful time :)
PS: I might be away for a while becuase my aunt's house where we're going to be staying has a dial up connection and you can imagine how slow that is. Also, I don't know whether I'll have a lot of time to actually be on the computer, but I'll try post as soon as I get a bit of free time.
4 comments:
Oh, Pan! If you dare be depressed, I shall slap you. Remember, you are entertaining TPF, there is no time for sadness! TPF is one self-centred byatch, as you very well know!
Imagine if you'd returned to East Germany after the Berlin Wall came down. Now that would've been a change.
Oh dear. The history nerd in me is taking over.
Pan, you won't be a tourist. That place will still be part of you. It will just be different b/c you are different.
But have a great time anyway and bring me something cool back.
xoxo
Have a good trip Pan! I haven't been to India since 1998, it's always a little strange for me to go because of my family back there - we're kind of the outsiders, or at least me and my siblings are.
I can imagine that going back when you lived there for so would only be even stranger.
TPF: I refuse to reply mainly because I happen to be living in the same house as you, and right now and you're in the next room.
Nikki: I promise to get back some cool pictures for you! Alright, I'm probably the only person who will find those pictures cool, but I'm sure you'll like something.
Frankengirl: I see that you've joined my silly friends in the whole 'lets all make fun of Pan because of the vintage debacle' :D
Miss Poodle is here sitting next to me slapping me for all possible reasons she can think of.
Ash: We are having a great time here mainly because I have several friends who live here, but there have been awkward momenis with random reltives that I would rather not think about :)
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